They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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