You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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