I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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