nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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