Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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