so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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