It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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