he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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