We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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