I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize