made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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