I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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