Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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