pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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