Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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