Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
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If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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