Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize