i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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