i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize