She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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