2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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