my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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