my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize