The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize