Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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