So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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