Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Come on in and take your pants off
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