i permit you to call me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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