My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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