put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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