Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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