I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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