Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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