It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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