dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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