He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am one with the molecules
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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