It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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