you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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