And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Will exercising make me less horny?
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