we're chasing vodka with high fives
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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