ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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