I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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