im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is Oprah even human
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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