Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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