So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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