Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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