I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize