shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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