I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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