Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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